GRAMMYS WRAP-UP

WOW where do I start with this fucking nonsense?

I watched because I care about the future of music and right now it needs to be euthanized on ALL levels.

Watching the Grammy's and Lady Gaga looks like something that got caught up in a BP oil spill clean up net. I personally think she looked better as a unhatched alien egg.

With that said….I sat through this so-called awards show with the hope that a nuclear device would be dropped on the arena killing only Lady Gaga, Rihanna, Coldplay, Nicki Minaj and Maroon 5.

I did watch to see Adele perform because not since the song “Funkytown” by Lipps Inc I have been engulfed in one song or songs by an artist.

Adele is FUCKING AMAZING from her singing voice to her speaking voice to her overall beauty regardless of her above average size.  At last check, a little meat on women’s bones is more attractive, just saying.

OK lets get down to it.

I guess I will break this down chronologically since that is the best way to remember.

The Red Carpet 

I happened to flip by E! and when I did TWO things came to mind…..

1) Why is E! STILL not in HD?

2) Why is Nicki Minaj dressed up like Red Riding Hood and walking with the Pope?

The answer to question 1 is probably because the Kardashians would show flaws in HD and the answer to question 2 is because she is a moron and her performance of “Roman Holiday” proved it.

The SHOW

Bruce Springsteen opened ……NEXT

Well LL Cool J hosted and that is not so bad as he led off with a prayer to recognize the death of Whitney Houston.

“There is no way around this. We had a death in our family”, “our sister Whitney.” said LL Cool J

First OFFICIAL performance was from Bruno Mars and all I can saw is WOW

Song is “Runaway Baby” and it is ONE CHANNEL but worth the watch…

….dude was channeling his inner James Brown and it fucking rocked to put it simple.  It was OLD SCHOOL.

And a damn good song to boot….I am not a big fan of his but he is definitely NOT like the other wannabe’s on the radio today….

Next Bonnie Raitt and Alicia Keys sing “Sunday Kind Of Love” by Etta James in a mini-tribute to her.  I am still trying to figure out when Alicia Keys ate Etta James remains.

Adele wins FIRST of SIX.

Chris Brown performs and NO women were hurt during his performance…..thank God.

Next Fergie and some guy who was married to Jennifer Lopez’s ass give away an award for “Best Rap Performance” which is a misnomer being ALL rap is the same one tempo song with a fucking beeping noise in the background.  But hey you kids like it….I weep for the youth.

Kanye and Jay-Z win but why show up since you are too good for an awards show.  Or too busy making more stupid songs like “Niggas in Paris”….with the aforementioned beeping noise.

Jason Aldean and Kelly Clarkson sing and the world wonders when Kelly Clarkson ate Alicia Keys.

Jack Black intros Foo Fighters and the song is OK but it is not even close to being as good as “Times Like These” or “The Pretender” yet the crowd is jumping up and down like they all just won the lottery.

MEMO to Grammys: Can you please tone the crowd in the pit down as they are flipping morons swaying their arms back and forth and clapping off time to every song?  TOO MUCH RED BULL to those kids.

The Adele Target commercial is KEY…the little girl can sing….and Adele TOO

NEXT is Rihanna and Coldplay….Rihanna plays a song that sounds like  every other dance song with the repetitive club beat…..NEXT

Its 8:15 at this point and I am dying.

Foo Fighters win “Best Rock Performance” and Dave Grohl says the band made the album in the garage with a tape machine then made some remarks that were clearly directed at pop artists who opt to autotune rather than develop their musical talents.

“To me this award means a lot because it shows that the human element of music is what’s most important,” he said, as members of the audience began to applaud. “Singing into a microphone and learning to play an instrument and learning to do your craft, that’s the most important thing for people to do.

Dave Grohl is also wearing a Slayer T-shirt and for the record, Foo Fighters was the only real Rock group in that category anyway.

and in a TWIST OF HUGE IRONY Dave Grohl’s message about the simple essence of making music drowned out by an LMFAO segue and the lights going out on him as he screams “LONG LIVE ROCK”

Maroon 5 and Foster The People sing Beach Boys tunes in awful fashion then the Beach Boys come out and in awful fashion sing a Beach Boys tune, but they are so old everyone claps. Also, no one who is old enough to remember them never thought Brian Wilson and Mike Love would ever take the stage together AGAIN.

STEVIE WONDER comes out and NOW I am thinking we will have a jam but he just thanks Whitney and then Chris Brown wins an award for an R&B album entitled L.A.M.E. I mean F.A.M.E. but it was the best of the worst so go figure.  He thanks no one in particular when he should have thanked his anger management coach.

8:45pm and a band called the CIVIL WARS come out and tear my head off in awe…..FUCKING GREAT GROUP and its only TWO PEOPLE…..and then Taylor Swift comes on and it looked like fucking Hee-Haw for a second and the Twitter world felt the same way.

Taylor Swift is talented but I don’t think as talented as people say and I think people are afraid to criticize her because she might break in half.

Adele wins AGAIN

Katy Perry sings…..NEXT…nothing to see here unless you like this…..

Lady Antebellum win…..and then Gwyneth Paltrow walks up and you hear a collective sigh of relief when they realize she is NOT going to be singing.    She introduces Adele finally singing after vocal chord surgery….it is soulful and awe inspiring and after we get this 30 second standing ovation.  I think everyone thought the show was over only to realize it still had an hour and a half left.  I hit the DVR button so I could FF through the rest…..THANK GOD…so for sake of sanity I will do the same here.

Tony Bennett and Carrie Underwood perform.

Glen Campbell performs.

Adele wins AGAIN

Similar to this and no choreography could capture the emotion of Minaj’s perfectly put-on nasty face upon losing Best Rap Performance

Bon Iver wins “Best New Artist” and Nick Minaj’s face when she loses is PRICELESS.

Jennifer Hudson pays tribute to Whitney Houston.

The “DEAD MUSICIAN” montage and noticeably missing are Etta James and Don Cornelious even though they mentioned them during show but they mentioned Whitney Houston and SHE was part of montage….BE CONSISTENT

The overhyped “Dance” segment with David Guetta, Chris Brown, Lil Wayne, Foo Fighters and Deadmau5 (scratching head)

Why does EVERY techno radio song have that SAME tempo that eventually rises to a peak then levels off so everyone can jump around?  its fucking ridculous and predictable but then again so is everything today.

OK BACK TO SHOW

Drake comes out and introduces Nicki Minaj and for the next 5 or so minutes we are treated to a copy of a Lady Gaga show which was copied from Madonna.  Words can’t describe how I feel about Nicki Minaj because she is just horrible.  Al l she can do is rap really fast but her music is predictable and lame and she looks possessed.

HERE IT IS….BEWARE as it’s HORRIBLE

And I am not the only one as EVERYONE everywhere is like “WHAT THE FUCK DID WE JUST WATCH?”  She is leading the charge to END pop music as we know it.  There is NOWHERE else to go….every song sounds the same and everyone copies one another….NO ORIGINALITY whatsoever and NO DEPTH….Dave Grohl said it BEST.

And Adele wins RECORD OF THE YEAR putting her at SIX and a CLEAN SWEEP…Congrats to a REAL TALENT.

Then to close out the show, Paul McCartney performs and like 4 other guitarists come out and in true ALL STAR jam style, they all try and play together…..it never works but the older musicians and Metallica with Slayer, Megadeth and Anthrax , keep doing All Star JAMS.

OK I AM OUT…..thanks to Benda for making me write this…..CHEERS TO THE REST OF 2012 as the music can ONLY go UP at this point.

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